semester wrapped

My very perfectionistic, creature-of-habit, anxious self was not ready for this Covid semester. I was so worried that I’d spend all my time alone in my room, feel isolated, and thus return quickly to my disorder. I was fully prepared to walk back into a treatment center come winter break.

But let me tell you how it really went.

A lot of my time was spent alone, I won’t lie. There was a lot of precaution in the beginning of my semester and having all of my club meetings, classes, and other activities online didn’t lend itself to a lot of in-person socialization. My semester also started with a pretty big relationship let down and I wasn’t my happiest come the first day of school. For a few weeks I was pissed off that I should have been starting my senior year but instead I was starting another regular year that I can’t really put an academic label to.

Things changed quickly though. I met good friends through my job- I work with my wellness program to teach responsible drinking for college students. ((Ironic, I know.)) I had a random guy walk up to me one day on campus and he said if I took a survey he would give me a free sticker. I’m in college, we’re all hoes for free stuff, so I took the survey and the next week he set me up with a group and I was walking into a bible study of random people who are now some of my closest friends.

I went on a spontaneous trip to wineries in a nearby town. I went with my friend to meet some of my other friends who have already graduated and though it was the hottest mess of a weekend, it was a huge success for me and my social anxiety.

I interviewed for so many different positions this semester. I currently serve as a mentor for first-year students, I accepted a position within my sorority, and I was just voted into a position on the Panhellenic executive council. I will transition into most of those roles next semester, continuing to work, and be active in two other clubs.

My grades could have been better, but with two exams and one project left, I’m proud of how well I did given the circumstance.

I DIDN’T MISS A SINGLE APPOINTMENT WITH MY TREATMENT TEAM THIS SEMESTER!!! Typically, I stop meeting with my team mid-august so that I can get sick without the guilt of all the people trying to help me but other than the occasional technical difficulty, I didn’t voluntarily stop or miss appointments.

I had so much fun on the weekends. Every weekend I was with different people having the time of my life, not letting the calories of alcohol ruin my fun. I’m currently coming down from one of the most fun weekends I’ve maybe ever had. I think my parents are tired of hearing about all the crazy things I’ve done this year, a feeling they’ve never had to deal with before.

I also learned through so many different people that I can love. I didn’t know if I was capable or worthy of that before but I absolutely love my friends. I can have intimate relationships and really strong friendships. I guess I’m not the most worthless person ever the way I genuinely though I was.

I’m so happy with the way my semester went. There were a ton of tears, a lot of heartache, some just real, true, painful times. BUTTT there was undoubtedly more love, fun, laughter, and happiness in these last few months. So, I’m still weight restored, I have no plans to go to treatment anytime soon, and I can’t say that I spent my whole semester getting skinnier and skinnier. But I can say I have every plan to come back and resume my fun next semester, which, let’s be real: sounds a whole lot better, anyways.